He-man...not-so-much.

Sorry for taking so long to get back to the blog. Apparently the masses are hungry for more, as I've been getting inundated with emails demanding I entertain them. Okay, one person posted a comment, but who am I to keep the public from what they want.

As it turns out, a few people had asked me what other heroes might also be gay. Let's just say that homo-erotic overtones are nothing new to people in tights. I trust you are just as shocked as I was when I learned this.

One such muscle-bound mancake has long been thought to have been light in the winged loafers: He-man. Yes, He-Man. The defender of Eternia, Mr. Master of the Universe himself.

It's true, He-man sets off the gay-dar like a Cher concert on the Fourth of July.

I submit for your review the following evidence in periwinkle blue:

Item 1: He-man clobbers villains wearing little more than an S&M girdle, furry boots, and a loin cloth.

Item 2: When not protecting other muscle-bound brethren from the evil Skeletor and his "snake men", He-man disguises himself as a "prince" dressed in a pink chiffon blouse, purple tights, and a page-boy hairstyle.

Item 3: He-man sings Euro-pop hits from the 90s.

Item 4: To become the most powerful man in the Universe, He-man discretely slinks off to an obscure clearing in the woods where he "holds aloft his magical sword" which bursts into a fantastic sound and light show that turns him into the previously mentioned scantily clad beefy barbarian.

Item 5: Only three people know his "true identity": an old hag; another leotard-wearing dude (with a suspciously YMCA looking mustache); and a flying, magical hat. Not even his parents know who he really is. (Wink, wink, nudge, nudge).

Item 6: He-man rides a giant kitty cat, whose own alias is often described as "lazy and overeating".

Item 7: Battle buddies include Ram-man who rams things with his enormous, steely helmet; Stratos: Winged Lord of the Skies; and Teela--an Amazon who puts the East German Womens Hockey team to shame.

I know, I know. Why didn't we notice this before? To put it simply, none of that stuff mattered to pre-pubescent, hero-worshiping, back-yard stunt-squirrels we were as kids. And frankly, it shouldn't matter. It's not like there's anything wrong with that. Hey, if it's entertaining, then who gives an Orko's ass?

FOOTNOTE: He-man has several other quests of note, including a Lebowski-esque adventure, and craving for Popeye's chicken. Neither of which made it into the annals of heroic deeds, but are certainly worth a mention.